A day in the life of a Flare

I have been sitting here for a while trying to decide what to write about. I have lots of ideas and thoughts, but nothing is really jumping out as a topic. 

 I'm tired and a bit weary. The longer the weather is cool, and damp the more my fibromialgia rears its head. My pressure points get very sensitive, my feet burn, the joints in my toes ache and lightning type pains similar to bee stings come out of nowhere.  Old injuries start to ache, surgical scars get tender, even old fire ant stings will suddenly flare. I get even more tired than usual, my brain fog increases and I struggle to remember things, or find the right words. I call it the Fibro Flu. And it is something most people with the condition go through. Some live with constant debilitating pain, others, like me, can function pretty well and then get hit with a flare.  My mast cells do not like stress. And the increase in pain causes stress which can make my mast cells kinda angry, which brings on skin issues like itching and flushing, as well as GI stuff. All the increased physical symptoms can then bring on increased mental struggles like depression and anxiety It quite a crazy ride! 

At times like this it can be a real roller coaster of emotions. From acceptance and being gentle with yourself, giving yourself permission to rest, to frustration and anger where you lash out at yourself for being so weak, and not being able to just push though. Then feeling sorry for yourself and wondering why it is happening and being jealous of those who do not deal with this, or seem to handle it better than you. You can lash out at those around your or just clam up and not speak to anyone. 

Today, the emotions are calm, I'm just tired really. But I am not lamenting or feeling sorry for myself. I am just doing what I can, as I can, the best that I can. I am forgiving myself for my brain fog and the fact that the sink is still full of dishes. I am thankful I was able to get to two doctors appointments on Tuesday and that they were good visits with plans going into place to continue my dental care and deal with a new issue with my knee. I am glad I was able to watch some TV with my kids and start a new baby blanket. I am proud of myself for starting a free online class about women's history and signing up for a book club that will be starting in January. 

So, today I am handling all the increased physical issues pretty well. Tomorrow? Who knows? But that is really just life isnt it? Learning to deal with what comes our way, sometimes handling things well other times not so much, but usually falling somewhere in the middle most of the time. Not sure where I was going with all this. But I have decided to try and write something every day, and this is what I ended up with.