So, I like word pictures. Finding analogies than can help explain things is a way that I learn and remember. And apparently is is also a common thing in therapy. To use a picture or scenario to help make a point, or help you remember what your focus is to be for the week. Or just to start to make sense and unravel a complicated emotion or situation.
A common word picture in dealing with things we can not really control is that of a beach ball. The beach ball represents that thing that is holding you back or demanding your attention all the time so you can not focus on anything else. The analogy goes like this: Imagine your (fill in the blank with your thing) is a beach ball. And you are trying to hold it down under the water, to control it. But every time you hold it down it pops back up to the surface. So you try harder, and the harder you try the more the ball pops up out of the water. You get wetter and wetter and more and more frustrated, and the beach ball just keeps flying back up from the water. So what if instead of pushing that ball under the water, you just let if float. You accept it is there, but you don't let it consume you. It just floats around, maybe bumping into you, but you don't give it space to over run and control your thoughts. When Megan, my therapist, brought up this example for dealing with chronic pain, I found it interesting. I could see where the analogy was going, and what the point was, but somehow it did not ring quite true or accurate when dealing with my particular situation
So, after our session, I thought on a it for a while, trying to decide what it was that bothered me about this particular analogy in regard to my particular situation. And it dawned on me. Beach balls are fun. They are light and colorful and bring thoughts of lazy days at the pool or the beach. A game of keeping the ball under the water elicits memories of laughter, and fun, and joy. Its fun to try and keep it down, and the more it pops up the more fun it is. As I pondered this, it dawned on me what my hang up was. Chronic Illness/Pain is not fun, light or colorful. It is a different from a beach ball as night is to day.
Chronic Illness/Pain is hard. It is heavy, and dark, and oppressive. And it never really goes away. Ever. Even on good days it lurks on the peripheral of your life, and you know it is there just waiting to overtake you. Like a dark cloud that just hangs about. So I thought, maybe that is a better analogy for me. So, how do I take that thought and turn it into something that can help me process and not allow it to overtake my thoughts day in and day out. Basically, you take the cloud and accept that it is there. You acknowledge that It is part of your life and not going away any time soon. You do what you need to manage, meds, supplements, stretches, meditation, whatever. But, you decide it will not be allowed to rain on you all day every day anymore.
I described it to my therapist the next week like this. I thought of my chronic condition like a dark cloud, that just always hung around. Can't make it go away, but I dont have to focus on it. I don't have to let it rain on me, it can rain, but maybe it is raining on the garden outside where the plants really need it. I can see it, I know it is still around, but it is not going to overtake my mind so that I dwell on it all the time. It seems to work. In addition to capturing my thoughts before they turn into a downward spiral (a thought for another post), I let this little cloud follow me around. When it turns into a storm I do what I need to do. Take my meds, lay down and rest, I cancel some plans. I mitigate the effects as much as possible and then move my thoughts on to other things. Kinda like you would put up an umbrella or wear a jacket in a light rain, or move to safety if the storm is dangerous, you don't ignore, you do what you need to do, but then move on. She liked my analogy and was proud of me for thinking about it and making an application that worked for me.
I am not sure this makes sense when writing it out, but it makes sense in my head. Maybe a different way to describe it is like the main character in the movie A Beautiful Mind. If you haven't seen it you should. It is an excellent depiction of dealing with mental illness. From both the patient, and the loved ones point of view. Now, if you have not seen it, this is your SPOILER ALERT. In this movie, the main character interacts with people who are very important in his life. Of various ages and sexes. As you go through the story, you realize that these people do not really exist. They are all in his mind. After good treatment is finally found, he is able to live a relatively normal and quite productive life as a professor. At some point in the movie someone asks him if he still sees the people. He nods and says yes, they are right over there. And this is a paraphrase, but he basically says, I just don't give them any attention.
So sometimes, chronic illness is like that. It is there, but you choose not to let it dictate your life. Or maybe better said, you don't let it dictate your thought life. For me, my hardest struggle is not with pain, or itching or fatigue, it is the battle that goes on in my mind. The fight as to which thoughts are going to rule my mind and my heart. Once you begin to find ways to win that battle, then your battle with the physical, well mine anyway, becomes much easier to live with day after day.
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