He Called Me Daughter,and I am His ... or .. A quiet soaking in

"When you encounter Jesus and give him your tears and fears it is not always a flash of lightening, earth shaking kind of moment .. Sometimes, it is a quiet soaking in, simply basking in the washing over of tender grace, that continues to grow, quietly, in the deepest parts of you ... you can't really say exactly what happened, other than you have had a profound experience, a personal encounter, one you are not even sure you are able to explain or share .. but you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt you have met with the Savior, He has called you daughter, and your are His ....and you are eternally grateful for the ones around you who provided the opportunity for the meeting ... You know who you are, and I am profoundly, eternally grateful "

If you are my friend on Facebook, you may have seen this post recently. I wrote it after several days of "soaking in" a recent experience. You see, I met Jesus, and the meeting was not a earthshaking, blinding light, kind of experience. In fact, for a while I was not sure quite what had really happened. All I knew, was I was different, on the inside, deep within, so deep it took some time to really soak it all in. Deep in a place where I was unsure if an ember of faith still glowed or not.  I went to worship service that morning, tired, worn down, exhausted from the inside out,  but I put on my smile and did my service that I always do. And like a good Christ follower, I expected to meet Jesus, I mean don't we all expect that when we go to worship, but I had no idea what he had planned for me, and I am so glad I was at the end of my emotional rope, for if I had not been I would have missed Him.

Without going into all the messy details, I will just say that the past 3 or 4 years of  medical issues compounded with life changing employment issues and the emotional toll of  loss, some bitter sweet, some soul searing and gut wrenching has quite simply taken their toll on me.. I was just done, and the final straw was looking at blood test results telling me something had to change. And  while I knew my physical body needed a reboot of sorts, deep down I knew my soul needed one too. And only the Master physician can do that, but would he? Would he really, or would he say no. You see, while I did not cause many of the things I was dealing with, I had not exactly handled and dealt with them well, quite clearly spelled out in the results of recent blood work and deep bouts of depression and since I had set myself up for this, why would he want to say yes. The Deceiver of my soul has also been working on me, and without even realizing it I had listened.

So, what happened, God used a message, of one speaking out of his own experience in a dark place, weaving the story of desperate faith from the Bible, and the Spirit began to sink the words deep into my heart. I was desperate, I was done, I was tired ... and yes, I was afraid. For you see, once you begin to peel back the layers of your fear and deal with them, more show up deeper below, and fear of dealing with the dark and desperate places in your soul can keep you from the one who can heal them. As I pondered these thoughts I decided to go,  pray,  be anointed and just take it all to Jesus, admit I was afraid and not even ask for anything specific, for you see, I wasn't sure what I really needed, I just knew I needed something. So, I did not ask for anything .. I just went... And you know, He met me, through the tears, the prayers, the anointing of oil, and the gift of music, He met me.

In the midst of the hurricane in my soul he came in, not like a raging wind, but like the gentle rising of the tide in the sound. Slowly, almost imperceptibly at first, a calming, gentle whisper in my soul, and though I did not hear an audible voice, I felt him say "daughter, you are mine." And from that point on I was not the same. For the next few days, this gentle, washing over, rising tide has continued to fill me, ebbing and flowing, but always there.  You see, I met the Savoir, not for the first time, for I have known Him for many years, but I met Him, again, like the renewing of a love grown cold, of a daughter returning home. You see, He called me daughter and I am His.

Am I healed of my physical issues? Not completely. Do I still have to do the hard work to reboot my body?  Absolutely. Are there areas that He and I need to work through? Without a doubt,. Am I still a little afraid? Of course. But, you see its different now. He met me, He called me daughter, and I am His.